Cockney Sparrow outed as plastic Paddy!

Wannabe Irishman Ian “Apples and Pears” Hurley was recently outed as yet another plastic Paddy living on the outskirts of London, when confronted the all out cockney was busy sipping Guinness and trying to “sound a little bit Irish” at a recently converted theme pub, predictably named Pog Mahones.
“It’s true” admitted the cheeky cockney “I’m shit scared of flying so I made it up one year when the lads wanted to go on a beano to Benidorm, now I’m stuck visiting Ireland every year in the pissing rain!”.
Things are looking up for the wannabe paddy though, as it turns out most of Hurleys mates are plastics too “they might as well of been injection moulded in China they’re that plastic” cried Hurley as he dropped back into his natural rhyming slang “they’re as moody as this dodgy boozer!, it’s all got way out of hand!”.