Portland, OR — April 29, 2017 Gary Montesi, a former car dealer on the run in Oregon evading sexual harassment charges in Connecticut since last week, was last seen leaving a Portland, OR tattoo parlor. “The guy said, just make me hard to find. Do something a little different. I’m getting used to all the piercing here in Portland. Why the hell not?” stated Norman Splatt, of Sick AF Tattoos in Portland.
“He said his next move was to see how many different ways he could get fucked up on legal Oregon dope. I think he was already pretty far into his mission.” said Splatt. “We have a camera in the bathroom and we captured the cool work we did.”
Mr. Montesi’s wife, Lisa, was concerned. “He wanted to go out to visit his friend Chris and get immersed in the Oregon vibe. This isn’t what I had in mind! I was thinking trees and ocean and some great food. I wish I’d just asked him to go to the store and buy some milk.”
Anyone with news about Montesi’s whereabouts is urged not to get too close. Simply call the poison control center at 800-OUT-CONTROL.