Local Bakersfield Resident Loses Her Damn Mind

Young Bakersfield women woke up this morning and according to a well respected, state and Valley champion in every sport possible, she lost her “Damn” mind. “I was shocked to see her going berserk. She was eating mayonnaise and pickles. Then she ate dirt. I believe she should be committed to a state mental hospital”, stated her gifted and handsome brother. Local police were dispatched shortly after the incident. No further details are given at this time.