Local man charged with public indecency

A local El Paso man, Dylan Wingard, was charged Friday night with public indecency after coming out of a bedroom butt ass naked during a party. One witness described the scene as horrific.
“When he turned the corner I saw what I believed was a small snake hanging between the man’s legs. Turns out it was just a tiny penis”
Other witnesses described it as a “boneless pinky finger,” or a “dead earthworm.”
Local police arrested the man using a tazer after he tried to flee the scene attempting to use his penis as a helicopter. “I figured I needed to cut power to the main auxiliary of the helicopter,” Said one officer after tazing Dylan in his testicles. The offender will likely be looking at a minimum of 30 days jail time where he says he is excited to meet new friends and experiment with his sexuality.