Man found duct taped to bed with Tegu lizard violently inserted in his anus

Early this morning Louisiana resident John W. Coody was found duct tape to his bed, with what appears to be a very large, very angry, Tegu lizard protruding from his rectum.
According to our sources, Warrensburg Missouri resident Melissa Chassey was pranked by Mr. Coody on the social media app Facebook, apparently she took it very badly and boarded a plane to Louisiana for revenge.
Miss Chassey landed and immediately purchased the large reptile from a local Craigslist ad, entered Coodys home after he fell asleep, and sideswiped him … Miss Chassey is still at large and considered dangerous, please send any tips of whereabouts to YOUR MOTHER!!!