Oak Grove resident charged with assault.

David Barnes of Oak Grove was incarcerated and charged with assault last night after he determined that most of the humans he’s been dealing with are stupid and began randomly taking a baseball bat and bashing their skulls. Witnesses stated last night that we was seen forcing the bat up the anus of Marmaduke resident Eric Fornash. While the victim stated thoroughly enjoyed​ the penetration, he felt as though Mr Barnes should have kissed him first. Well be covering this story as more details emerge.