RUN AND CALL THE POLICE IF YOU SEE HIM.

He calls himself “Alexander the greatest” and approaches his victims asking them them what the time is. Once they respond is when the horror begins. 15 attacks have already taken place over the course of late last night into today. His encounters have said he drives a black Suzuki XL7 and loudly plays Outkast’s Hey Ya on repeat. He is held responsible for sexually assaulting his targets with pool noodles, Nerf brand toys, and a mixture of deli meats. No one is sure what he is after but have noticed patterns in his attacks. He takes only socks or flip flops from his worn-down or unconscious victim’s and fleas away. Reminder, if you catch a sight of him or here Outkast’s Hey Ya played loudly more than once Please go to safety and seek authority.