Published April 30, 2017
Springfield, MO
Southwest Missouri native and local alt-right news perpetuator, Scott Rankin was struck by lightning Saturday, while wearing his tinfoil hat and hunting for black helicopters.
Miraculously, Rankin survived the incident virtually unscathed.
“I was out looking for black helicopters and vapor trails in the storm and next thing I know, I wake up and the paramedics we’re trying to peel the burnt Crocs off my feet. Them dang boat shoes saved my life. I feel great!”
Many of Rankin’s friends, who were holding a meeting in the woods nearby ran to help the victim as he lay on the treeless portion of the hilltop with smoke rising from his burnt clothing.
“Missourians suffer 472 ligning strikes a year…” says local National Weather Service Director, Larry Fulbright. “Mr. Rankin is a very lucky man.