Coachella Festival Announces new East Coast Version: Coachella 2.0 set for 2018

The ever trend-setting Coachella festival, held annually in Indio, California, has announced this morning via a press conference by the Desert Sun news outlet, that co-founders, Paul Tollett and Rick Van Santen plan to put on an East Coast version of the festival dubbed, “Coachella 2.0,” as soon as June 2018.

In the wake of the Fyre Fest mishap on the Bahamian island of Great Exuma, the dubious failed festival production duo of Ja Rule and Billy McFarland have reached out to the Coachella team of Tollett and Van Santen to combine forces in hopes of creating a, “high class, beach-bound music festvial for the ultra wealthy.” The foursome have thus far invested over 30 million in funds to organize and soon create the same culture rich environment that California’s original Coachella is famous for, here on the Eastern seaboard.

In search of a progressive, elite beach location for Coachella 2.0, organizers have chosen Long Island sound, in the heart of Fairfeild County Connecticut’s gold coast. In a city in search of an identity, and a mayor in search of a run for Governor, Bridgeport’s Mayor Joe Ganim has stepped forward to nominate the city’s illustrious Seaside Park as the perfect location for the expected eighty to one hundred thousand attendees.

Mayor Joseph T. Ganim was convicted of federal racketeering charges in 2003, in a previous term as mayor of Bridgeport, and was sentenced to 9 years jail time before running again and winning in 2015. He was in attendance at the press conference this morning fresh off a vacation to the Middle Eastern country of Lebanon. He is quoted as saying Bridgeport is the perfect “sanctuary” setting for an often misunderstood festival going generation of music crazed millennials.

Ganim has since apologized for his previous crimes against the populous, and has been tirelessly in search of many different options for creating a new atmopshere and reputation for the city of Bridgeport. Under Ganim’s second wave as mayor, Bridgeport has been mired in several recent gang related crime waves, as well as, some of the most outrageous tax rates in the history of taxation.

The new Coachella 2.0 Festival is expected to renew interest in the city’s plight to be at the forefront of Connecticut’s current coastal rehabilitation, such as Stamford’s Harbor Point has undergone in recent years.

From failed attempts to be on the cutting edge of the, “smart parking meter, ” to offering up several key downtown traffic lanes to the reasearch and development of self-driving vehicles, Ganim is now in hopes the new Coachella 2.0 will attract more buisnesses to the new tax-free environment of his famed Steel Point Project. Meanwhile the Governor of Connecticut, Dan Malloy, is also in support of the festival and hopes that it will help the state of CT with its most recent challenge of a 2.3 billion dollar deficit in the state’s budget. The taxes, fees, and insurance premiums the famed Coachella name will dish out, should prove to make a big dent in that deficit by the close of the fiscal year.

Bridgeport’s Seaside Park was previously home to a long run of sucess with The Gathering of The Vibes Festival, which honored members of the Grateful Dead and attracted thousands of festival goers to the beach-side beauty of Long Island Sound for many years. Local businessman Ken Hays chose to put the festival’s future on hold back in 2015 in hopes the city of Bridgeport would work with him to allow for a future re-emergence of the Vibes Festival. However since the election of Ganim in 2015, the future of one of Bridgeport’s most famous symbols of hard work and postive bonding between the city, the county, and it’s citizens, has been put on the back burner indefinitely.

The new Coachella 2.0, promises an upsweep of revenue for the city, as well as, the state, as it will now target those who can afford a five thousand dollar fee for a weekend pass. With some of the most famous names in popular music and popular culture mixing with some of the country’s wealthiest millenials, everyone involved sees only positive results from bringing in such an iconic legendary music festival.

The original Coachella name, is at the fore-front of the advancement of celebrating cultures outside that of classic Americana. American millenials are being united with such heritages as, American Indian, Hindu and Buddist cultures and thier traditional garments without having to study them in a classroom or read about them in historical and informative texts. Instead these young festival goers can simply, “buy a ticket,” and proceed to experience the mix of such rich cultural heritages with thier own fashionable trendy insta-snapping of the well-to-do America 2.0

For Information on purchasing weekend passes to Coachella 2.0 can be found at:

www.gofundyourself/ignoranceisbliss.com

(20% discounts will be awarded to those using thier American Express Black Cards for payment.)

Side Note:
Connecticut’s own news publication, the Connecticut Post has not yet reported on this event, as the Coachella 2.0 promotion and marketing departments chose not to include them at the Desert Sun press conference, citing an inability to spell check and proof read thier press releases and online news stories in the recent past.

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