Dunboyne Man Shits himself during World Record Fart Attempt!

An unnamed Dunboyne man was today being comforted by friends and family after a world record farting attempt ended in disaster.

The man from Dunboyne Castle was yesterday attempting to break the record for the world’s longest fart. After months of training on a diet of lager, curry and beans, he was attempting to break the current record which stands at 22.3 seconds.
There were scenes of great excitement as friends and family gathered together with officials from the Guiness Book of Records at Dunboyne Castle Hotel for the record breaking attempt. A TV celebrity from Fair City compered the event which was sponsored by Andrex toilet tissue.
Things were looking very good for the man who had managed to turn out a 15.4 second fart during a practice session before the official attempt. All went well until 20 seconds in to the record attempt when the dry rasping tone of his fart suddenly changed to the all-too-familiar wet sound of an unwelcome visitor to his track suit bottoms and Y Fronts.

Speaking after the failed attempt, a tearful World Record Hopeful said : “It’s heartbreaking to to have come so close and for things to have ended like this. It’s not the public humiliation or ridicule that gets to me, it’s not being able to look my kids in the eyes and tell them that their dad is a world champion”.