In a surprise move, President Donald Trump announced via Twitter early this morning that local musician Donnie R Wilson will be the new Director of the FBI pending Congressional approval. Mr Wilson, otherwise known as Mr Law and Order, has been unavailable for comment at this time.

This move does not come as a complete surprise to most government insiders, as Mr. Wilson is known for his “this is my town now get the hell out of my way!” attitude. He is expected to be a hands-on administrator that sets his own hours. He is expected to come down hard on kids that trample his lawn.