Jurtin Sofen, an Iowa “man” with a penchant for stalking 17-year old high school athletes interested in pursuing a scholarship at the University of Iowa, has finally been caught.
The lifelong supporter of the Black and Gold has been arrested on charges of pedophilia after being caught publicly masturbating to a highlight video of a potential Iowa football recruit. The incident occurred in the condiments aisle at the Urbandale Hy-Vee.
Surveillance video shows Sofen open the video on his iPhone and then proceed to stick his hand down his pants. He is then heard screaming, “I love it, I love it, I love it,” while stroking what appears to be a chicken nugget-sized penis.
An innocent victim, later identified as 37-year old Andrew Dunham, walked into the aisle.
Dunham was looking for condiments for the hamburger meat he already had in his shopping cart. But he wasn’t interested in the special sauce Jurtin offered.
“I came to Hy-Vee to get some Muchentuchen and stuff for a barbecue. I walked around the corner in aisle 12 and saw my former brother-in-law jerking it to some football video. I’ve known him to do shit like this for years, so I didn’t bat an eye at it. It’s just Jurtin being Jurtin. Then he asked me if I wanted some free special sauce for my burgers. I thought for a minute and while I appreciated the offer, I said, ‘no thank you, I will get a bottle of Mayo instead.”
Sofen has been charged with one count of public indeceny, one count of child pornography, and one count of refusing to STFU.
He faces one-year in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison, a $2,000 fine, and losing his right to not-STFU for three years.
Sofen hasn’t hired an attorney and is expected to plead not guilty. Prosecutors have offered to drop all charges if he agrees to STFU. He responded by saying something stupid so the case is moving forward.
“We asked him to just STFU and then we would drop all charges,” the district attorney said. “But then he asked me if I like to eat jizz out of a taco. So it was clear to me he would never accept the offer.”
Jurtin is expected to appear in court again on June 1. At a May 5 hearing, the judge ordered him to refrain from communicating with underage athletes on social media.
“Not even Chevin?,” he asked the judge.
“Not even Chevin.”
Chevin Calloway is a former Iowa football commit. He chose another path, causing Jurtin into an epic melt down.
Calloway is just one of many current and former Iowa recruits Jurtin has drooled over. But if prosecutors get their wish, this disgusting habit will come to an end.
“Being a true Hawkeye fan doesn’t mean jerking off to Iowa videos at Hy-Vee. Enough is enough,” the district attorney said.