In the wake of James Comey vacating the FBI director seat, President Trump has acted swiftly and appointed Kellyanne Conway to fill the position.
‘Kellyanne is very, very qualified for this position. Trust me, I know qualified. I wrote the book on qualified. Not only does she have an Associates Degree in Criminal Justice from DeVry Learning Istitute, she also has been and avid reader since the age of six and an aficionado of the Nancy Drew series. On a murder mystery train, Kellyanne was the top sleuth in identifying who done it. Back in middle school, NOBODY, and I mean nobody- wanted to play Clue with her anymore because before the game would even begin, she would know that it was Professor Plum in the study with the candlestick. She’s gonna be the best. I’m telling you.’
Kellyanne is currently working on a new binder and updating the wardrobe of the bureau. She quoted earlier today ‘ it is my honor to take this position and be able to use my Bedazzler. And you just got punked by Dina Forté!’