Local Gangbanger Arrested for Mopery

TAMPA, FL — Local gangbanger John Tricoli, self-nicknamed “Hitman” was arrested for mopery, exposing one’s self to a blind person. Tricoli was booked for the misdemeanor at the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office. Officers responded to a call located behind the Hollywood Nights gentleman’s club at approximately 2 AM last night.

“The accused was highly intoxicated, going on diatribes about ‘Eli Manning being greater than Tom Brady,'” said officer Andrew VanGuilder. “From what we could tell, he was dropped off by a random group of New York Ranger fans after the team was unceremoniously trounced from the playoffs. We were told that his previous group he was with, his actual friends, were at the 2001 Odyssey club awaiting his arrival from ditching tits for hockey.”

Mr. Tricoli was released on $69 bond and is scheduled to have his first court appearance in the near future. His spouse, Ceci Tricoli, was quoted as saying “I’m just happing we didn’t find him with a jet-black, double-headed dildo this time.”