Artist’s rendering of the events – Roberto Flores
11:41 AM, On a Monday, Philadelphia, PA – A Philadelphia resident narrowly avoided a grisly demise yesterday when an associate forcibly saved him from a falling piano. In the process, a scene erupted on the street over what Channel22 gathers as a dispute over homophobia and lottery tickets. The Channel22 News Team spoke to some eye witnesses to the incident. Anna Smith, of Philadelphia told reporters that after being accosted on the street by a dwarfish pervert, she heard the lascivious man yell a homphobic expletive to a man across the street who was then struck in the chest with a kick from an apparent friend of some sort. Ms. Smith said the shorter man met with the two men at the fallen piano along with another man and woman where a squabble broke out and she left the scene. Timmy Baker, owner of red balloons, told Channel22 that as he and his mother passed the arguing quintet he heard the “gay one” making a fuss about a lottery ticket with the group settling on some decision before hurriedly leaving the scene with a “renewed sense of vigor” explained the six-year old. The identities of the five people involved remain unknown as Alvin Grant, one of the piano movers, even told our correspondents “It was like something outta cartoon. From the piano fallin’ to those [expletive deleted] people. I can tell you they got some serious problems.” More on this story as it unfolds.