Local Man Mauled by Children

Sources say Dylon Yates of Harrisburg, IL, was out on a date with his boyfriend when he was attacked by a group of feral youngsters. The motive not yet being known, many say its safe to assume Yates instigated the conflict. Yates sustained minor cuts and bruises, and showed signs of fatigue after the encounter, stating, “Them kids showed me the light, but ill get mine.”