President Xi Jinping’s admits Chinese surprise

Today the president of China, Xi Jinping admitted that the Chinese has been slowly and secretly poisoning the American people through Chinese Buffets which import most of their ingredients directly from China. He expressed regret and agreed to make one hundred billion in trade credit immediately available for restitution. He went on to say that before Trump’s election he considered his country to be on a war footing with the United States and as such was acting in a warlike fashion when the poisoning of Americans through Chinese food was set into place. He also gave his personal guarantee that all chemical poisonings of foods exported to the US would cease immediately followed by the cessation of poisoning of animal feeds for export. He closed by humbly asking for the forgiveness of the American people.