While sitting at an outdoor table in front of Parisienne Café, a man thwarted an attempt by unknown masked assailants to assassinate him.
Simon Qafa, 41, was basquing in the midday sun, enjoying a cigar and double espresso, when a white provisions truck, with a smashed grill and bearing Michigan plates, screeched to a halt in front of the venue, also known as “Dervishi’s”, afterwhich two men with automatic weapons, along with a Mexican carrying a bag of kërtolla. They launched an all-out assault in a hail of bullets, with the Mexican in tow, hurling potatoes as he screamed “Fuck Trump and his wall! Viva La Raza!”
Mr. Qafa, a skilled marksman himself, cigar clenched in his teeth, quickly ducked under a table, shot out the legs of the assailants, disabling them, after which he took them out execution style.
“What the FAHK did these mahtherfahkers think was going to happen? I’m Simon Fahken Qafa! They can’t FAHK with me!”, Mr. Qafa stated when asked for his opinion as to who the assailants might have been.
A witness to the incident, who asked that he only be identified as “Biggie” stated “Yo, I was out here minding my own business an’ shit, tryna hustle a coupla dollahs out here so I could get to the SSI office, when all I heard was ‘ pop pop pop pop’, an’ shit!”
None of the assailants have been identified, except for the Mexican, 31 year old Pablo “Pico” Suarez, an illegal alien, and a suspect in another, unrelated case.
Mr. Qafa gave his statement but was not charged.
More on this story as it becomes available.