GRANVILLE, OH- The so-called “Poop Bandit” has been caught. 15 year old Peter Leithauser of Granville was suspended today for throwing toilet paper with fecal matter inside of it on top of the ceiling.
Ashleigh Berry of WBNS-TV interviewed Leithauser today on what he did. Leithauser said that “What else am I going to do? Take a sh*t like a regular human being? I mean, don’t matches blow out in the cold?” When prodded about apologizing, Leithauser said “I’m not apologizing. Why can’t I take a sh*t like a re****?”.
Afterwards, he passed gas and made sure it was aimed towards Berry.
His freshman basketball coach and Latin I teacher, Derrick Fisher, was also interviewed. He said “Peter is suspended the rest of the season, and I will talk to the baseball coach about keeping him suspended for the remainder of the season. He also farts a lot in class, and I have written him demerits for farting in class.”
No word has been received from the Leithauser family about the incident.