Tomball resident Chis Nava was arrested Saturday after he was caught vandalizing a local Little Cesar’s. When the police arrived they noticed an odd smell coming from the lobby. Chris was eating and finger painting with Gorilla feces all over the inside of Little Cesar’s after hours. After searching the Little Cesar’s, Police noticed Chris wrote in feces “I Love You Kendall” on every window of the store. Chris was cooperative with the authorities. After questioning Chris admited he was a fecalpheliac. When ask how he became a fecalpheliac he responded “Ever since my ex girlfriend stuck her thumb in my butthole during sex. I have never been the same.”
He has been linked to other crimes in the area. Those crimes include unconstitutional and unlawful personal sodomy and sexually harassing small farm animals. Although he was never convicted, Chris is suspected of fucking chickens a few counties over from 2014-2017
Chris posted his bail of $1000.00 and was released early Sunday morning. According to his bail conditions he must stay out of the henhouse and not come with in 30 feet of any Little Cesar’s.