UT Freshman has experiences a lifetime of happiness

Despite the tragedies at the University of Texas, a fellow UT freshman has finally experienced something that every college student dreams of. Aldryn John Matias has been holding in his premature semen for 18 years, and by the heroic efforts of THE Nickel from Texas Tech, our brave young lad has let out the flood of the century. The congratulatory ceremony will be held at the infamous 7th floor of Jester West…