Late last night Roseville local boys Jt Roe & Micheal Steelman were found at the scene of the crime. Zach Hare, local alcoholic, established motive. Turns out the assailent is part of a local gang called the Rock Rats.
It is said that the Rock Rats are not a gang of violence but of non stop shit your pants partying.
We have word from the victim Luke Schneider. He says he will be pressing charges on Micheal Steelman. He is being charged with excessive ass joking. They say his ass was joked over 100 times and he may have cried a little.