Early Morning Explosion Linked to Local Man

Local IT Professional, Matthew Susee, was cited by police early Thursday for detonating 2250lbs of Tannerite in the Rainier National Forest near Wilkinson, Washington.

Tannerite, a mixture of ammonium nitrate fertilizer and aluminum powder, when mixed together, is virtually harmless until impacted by a projectile at 1800 feet per second. It can be purchased in local sporting goods stores, purchased online or made at home.

Travelers on I-5 near Tacoma have stated that the mushroom cloud reached as high as 10,000ft and was visible at almost 20 miles away. Residences closer to the explosion reported broken windows in their homes from the compression wave making them fear for their lives.

Washington State Law restricts Tannerite explosive targets to a maximum of 2 lbs per detonation.

Authorities at the scene described the blast crater at 35 meters in diameter and over 1 meter in depth with fir trees flattened for 250 meters in all directions.

Susee, 46, when confronted by local officials on why he did it simply stated, β€œHow the hell else you going to get an old refrigerator into outer space? Von Braun can kiss my ass, you don’t need a rocket.”

No injuries were reported.