Local man arrested on drug and weapons charge

Local man from was arrested early Wednesday morning after police were called to his residence in Finleyville Pa.

Sean Sowers, 32, refused to open the door for local officials, who were responding to a report of ‘loud music’ and ‘yelling’ coming from within the home.

Police breeched the door less than an hour later, only to find Mr. Sowers asleep on his kitchen table.

Authorities were surprised to find over 72 ounces of cocaine and a loaded semi automatic rifle.

The rifle was recovered from another bedroom located within the residence. The schedule 1 narcotics were found inside Sowers rectum, conveniently shaped like a dick.

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