Local man charged with ruthless murder of rare bird

Erik Gertsen of Westtown NY was taken into custody after shooting the last known example of a rare bird species. Noted for its intense, shrill mating call that can be heard for miles, the winged avian has quite a reputation in the birding and scientific communities as ” a sound like a rabbit makes before dying” and “nails on a chalkboard, but 60 times louder”.

The only statement made at the time from E Gertsen: “that thing was so damned annoying”.