Local man detained in foreign country

Steubenville, Ohio: A local man and US Army Airborne veteran, Ian Church, has been detained in a crude local jail in Papua, Indonesia after reacting violently to news that there would be changes to the contract he is working on without being consulted.

Church, in typical Airborne fashion, exploded causing fear and soiled pants in the company’s management causing him to be detained.

Church’s only comment was “I will be in this jail only as long as I am willing to stay”. He went on to say “I am only staying here at the moment to instill further fear in the weak (explicative) who are under the false impression that I give a (explicative) what they think because they are usually incorrect”.

The guards at the jail have refused to work while Church is incarcerated stating they are fearful to work while he is there.