Cory Wilt, was arrested early Wednesday morning after police were called to his residence in Murrells Inlet, SC.
Wilt, 27, refused to open the door for local officials, who were responding to a report of ‘a loud pornographic ruckus’ and ‘yelling’ coming from within the home.
Police breeched the door less than an hour later, only to find Mr. Wilt asleep naked on his kitchen table.
Authorities were surprised to find over 72 ounces of cocaine, 12 pounds of that sweet green dank, a loaded semi automatic rifle, and 4 dead hookers in the woods behind the residence.
The rifle was recovered from another bedroom located within the residence. The schedule 1 narcotics were found inside Wilt’s rectum, conveniently shaped like male genitalia.
Moments leading to the arrest, Wilt started to profusely masturbate and had began shouting, “squirrels are fucking pretty!” At arresting authorities.
When asked why he was such a “piece of shit”, Wilt’s reply was, confusingly, “that’s how we do it down there in the county.”
For more on this story: go fuck your mother.