Naked man found cooking in Burger King parking lot

New York native Joseph M Johnson 39 was found naked. He was cooking on a personal grill outside of Burger King in the parking lot of Aiken South Carolina. He was taken into custody shortly after police questioned him on why he was nude and cooking in the parking lot. “Mr. Johnson replies I can’t stand the food here so I figured I come make my own grub” large amounts of different seasonings such as fresh parsley fresh basil fresh oregano garlic cloves cilantro leaves and a 9 mm handgun were found in his rectum. When the officers found the 9mm they asked mr. Johnson,” what did you plan on doing with a 9 mm handgun in your rectum?” Mr. Johnson replied” I just wanted to shoot the shit”