Oranfe Resident Ben Purifoy was once again voted Sexiest Man in Orange County for the third straight year. As in prior years, the 42 year old Purifoy was once again accused of stuffing the ballot box. “He makes my lady parts quiver” responded 82 year old Gladys Peepkay when asked about Purifoy’s dominance at the polls. “That young man can peel my turnip any time.”
Not everyone agrees. “He is some kind of super operator or something. We all know he is hacking it like Gorbachev did Rand Paul. All you have to do is watch the news…it happens every day now” said neighbor Hunter Lewis. “But he is a smoke show running around with his shirt off, weed-eating that lawn, sweating, glistening, breathing heavy…” added his wife Reagan.
The votes are in, and there is no going back. Purifoy wins again.