7/4/2017
A Metro area man is alive tonight, thanks to a quick responding and highly trained Metro Police officer.
Master Officer Danny Rizzuto is being hailed as a hero down at City Hall for saving the life of Freddy Sorkin, 53, as Mr. Sorkin suffered a sudden medical emergency at Central Station yesterday afternoon. Several witnesses to the act of heroism informed Channel 23 that Mr. Sorkin appeared to be in “medical distress” while waiting for a subway train on Platform 2.
“That dude was lookin’ real rough”, said Shawna Rally, witness to the incident, “dude looked like he had the ‘itis’ for sure”. Other witnesses expressed similar concerns, including Harcourt Butterworth. “I say, the poor chap looked as if he soiled his trousers.”, explained Butterworth. “He also passed out right next to me, dirtying my favorite dinner jacket!”, he added.
Within moments of Mr. Sorkin’s symptoms appearing, Master Officer Rizzuto arrived on scene and began to assist the suffering man. “Being married to a medical professional and watching countless episodes of General Hospital, I knew right away what I needed to do”, said Rizzuto. “I immediately ran to a supply closet on the main concourse and grabbed a can of WD-40”. Within minutes of administering what one witness and nurse identified as “an I-V drip” of the WD-40, Mr. Sorkin’s symptoms subsided.
“Officer Rizzuto saved my life”, a grateful Mr. Sorkin stated in an exclusive Channel 23 interview. “This city needs more men like him on the force”. The Metro City Counsel is planning to honor Officer Rizzuto next week and the makers of the popular aerosol lubricant are rumored to have offered the valiant and quick witted officer a commercial deal.
(Guy Edwards, Times-Herald)
In related Police news: Rookie is fed up with training officer, disgusted by trainer’s tuna fish and Seven-Up at every meal break.
(This is a joke news story by the way)