Suspect claims the “memes made him do it”

Upon seeing memes about “doing hood rat stuff with your hood rat friends,” William Jamros, 23, of Matamoras, PA went on an relentless crime spree of “riding around and getting it.” On June 29th, 2017 Police observed William Jamros park his Toyota Corolla S and walk into a cigarette shop on Pennsylvania Avenue. A few moments later Jamros ran out of the convenience store with a handful of fidget spinners screaming “This shit is fucking LIT B,” while advancing towards his vehicle on his hoverboard. In just minutes police got a call from the place of business stating they had been robbed by a 5 foot tall “ginger fuck.” Harry Prey of Eastern Pike Regional Police Department says he, “proceeded to patrol the vehicle in a routine traffic stop.” While approaching the vehicle, Officer Prey observed Jamros flick a Newport out the window of his vehicle and said, “why don’t you suck my cunt you fat fuck,” and sped off doing 60 in a 25. Jamros is suspected to be armed with fidget spinners and highly dangerous. Anyone with information on the suspect is told to please contact the Eastern Pike Regional Police Department.