A new study reveals that those who graduated in 2008 from Forney High School, located in Forney Texas have an IQ averaging an astonishing 20-80 points higher compared to the nation’s average.
Scientists from around the globe have descended upon this now bustling town to track down each ’08 graduate. The feds have also joined forces–enlisting the help of 10-year reunion coordinators: Blair Marie McDermett, Katie Lynn, Cristina Sifuentes, Jennifer Elsbecker, Andy Fethkenher, Deondre Smith, Edward Lewis, Sheridan Wendt, Ediee Diaz, and others. Anonymous sources say that the punch will be spiked with psychedelic drugs by a man with an axe.
UPDATE: Axe is still pending approval from Blair.
Social scientists and the medical community are now studying the eating, drinking, and social habits of this now 27-28 year old population to determine the cause of this phenomenon, but one local epidemiologist believes it is because this group frequented three places known to put psychedelic drugs in their beverages during periods of frequent insomnia. The establishment owners purchased this glittery substance from unnamed elves and fairies who worked the streets around Hwy 35 during the time in question. Authorities have confirmed these tiny peddlers did their bidding for their famous leaders: the ever elusive Pan…Peter Pan.
Another sociologist noted that those Jack Rabbits who felt more at home at Fat Dawgs or Walmart (the two most popular hang out spots), had slightly lower IQ’s than their fellow classmates, but explains that the difference is so minimal that it is almost negligible. The same epidemiologist attributes this to a financial slump in the latter establishments due to far fewer patrons, and thus management simply could not afford as much magic fairy dust to spike said beverages.
Some have debunked the fairy dust claims, but several psychologists across the nation say that not only would this magic fairy dust account for the Jackrabbit’s higher IQ, but it might also explain why they have all remained so irresistibly attractive–“stunning” according to one expert in the beauty industry. Scientists are now more apt to believe these claims because they have DNA evidence that magic fairy dust, does–indeed–remain active in human cells for at least 80 years. There are rumors circulating that if one were to pop their back, the would spiral into a massive psychedelic trip.
Perhaps these social scientists can finally have a front row seat to this brainy and beautiful group of specimens during their upcoming reunion. According to one researcher, “This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to witness this much awesome sauce in just one room.”
The world will be holding their breath with anticipation. Until then, we wait…yes, until then, we wait.
UPDATE: Rumors are circulating that Deondre Smith was pregnant but that he lost it. Please keep him and the dead fetus in your thoughts and prayers.
Written by: Ediee Diaz
***Disclaimer: While fb may dismiss this article to be fake news, this writer believes the overall claims here to be highly accurate regarding ’08 Jackrabbit’s IQs and beauty. They are factually the smartest and most beautiful people he has ever encountered. Also, most of this was plagiarized.