Former Delaware Governor Mauled by Grizzly

Former Delaware Governor, Jack Markell, was biking through Yellowstone National Park on a fitness campaign when he was tragically mauled by a rogue grizzly bear. The only remains left, those used to identify the man formerly known as the “Education Governor” was a wallet and a soiled pair of bike shorts. A park ranger, who spoke anonymously, said “It’s ironic that a Democratic governor who was famous for giving handouts, fell victim to a bear who became desensitized to humans when he became dependent on handouts.” The EPA is uncertain about how to dispose of the final remains as it is illegal to cremate Lycra.