New Singer Already Anounced for Linkin Park!

In a move that is making heads spin nationally, Thomas Kutz, of Belton, MO, has been hired on as the new lead singer of the band Linkin Park. Kutz, whose musical influences stem from Guns N Roses, to Necro, said about the decision, “its the opportunity of a lifetime. Now I can kick those homeless people out that are living under my house. I’ve been charging them up to 300 bucks a month for a dry spot to sleep, but I won’t need that income anymore. Guess they’ll need to find somewhere else from now on. SUCKS to be them, haha. Oh well, who cares? I’m rich! ” Kutz also stated that he hated the old singer and his whiney voice, even though Linkin Park is his favorite band, and he looked forward to touring with such as Papa Roach, and the Offspring. It is the first time in recorded history that a band has lost a singer to suicide, and replaced him in the very same day.