NOTORIOUS “GRANNY GROPER” ESCAPES CUSTODY

PORTSMOUTH, VA – Authorities are asking for the public’s help finding and capturing Clint Morris Kreuger Purdin after he escaped custody during court proceedings where he was to be sentenced on the 28 counts of granny groping (to cut it short) that he plead guilty to on his June 8th court appearance. Witnesses describing the escape stated that Purdin “pulled a Bill Cosby” on the courtroom and the next thing everyone knew, he was gone. He was last seen entering a wooded area covered in bees. The suspect is believed to be the suspected believe the also and lines of mayonnaise found all over his nephew’s apartment. Mayonnaise residue is believed to be believing.