After commencing a ten year plan this past June to resurface and “tune up” the Newport Clairborne Pell Bridge, officials and state lawmakers have announced that the bridge will instead be demolished, and rebuilt using the same footings and stantions.
“After we started, structural engineers found serious structural compromise at the bottom of the bridges’ roadway, and it looks like it’s just not going to last the ten years our plan called for. So we’re just gonna blow the damn thing up”, said Matt Ruggieri, the chief engineer for the state of RI Planning and Infrastructure Board. “Rebuilding will be safer, and probably not take ten years. Also blowing the old bridge to smithereens is going to be really cool. We’re kind of hoping it’ll boost tourism and put our little state on the map, with a bullet!”
Scheduling and alternate routes will be posted on Facebook, Twitter, and in yo’ mama’s mail box.