Unnamed sources have confirmed that Little Rock was attacked by a band of pirates in the early morning hours of July 17th.
Under cover of darkness Captain “Dirty Dog” Dixie and her notorious crew sailed up the Mississippi River to the Port of Helena, then continued up the Arkansas River before finally making land at La Petite Roche in downtown Little Rock.
After heroic action undertaken by early morning joggers and a slightly inebriated group of Parrotheads, the band of pirates retreated to their ship and were last seen headed back towards Helena and the safety of the Mississippi River.
This motley crew of villains should be considered armed and dangerous, having been seen with a variety of swords, flintlock pistols and a copy of the latest Buck Reilly adventure novel by author John Cunningham.
Approach with caution and contact the nearest U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary office for instructions and Rum recommendations.