-Shepherdstown WV,
Local Residents of Shepherdstown where shocked yesterday to find an entire school of Stingrays sunning themselves in town run, adjacent to several restaurants and and a university.
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Long term resident Michael Litoris told channel 23, “I’ve lived here my whole life, and Stingrays? Hell, I’d be more likely to believe in the ghosts if I hadn’t seen it myself.”
So far the town counsel has no plan of action on dealing with the low profile batoids. “They are all too afraid of them to even go look!” an anonymous source said.
It is estimated that approximately 700 stingrays are in the town run tributary, but that estimate was determined from a very drunk, local hippy, who may have been on mescaline, so that number is probably exaggerated.
Neither the mayor’s office or the town counsel responded to this reporter’s inquiries into the situation.
Locals are discussing a large outdoor cook-out to deal with the ray-invasion, but Shepherdstown’s large vegetarian community rejects the idea, and recommends throwing unwanted children to the rays, as to preserve the health of the invading death-mats. “Well, It would make better sense, since clearly they were here before we were.” says Eileen Weighleft, local PETA director, “We clearly invaded their habitat.” When told they were actually deep sea saltwater fish, and that science can’t even explain how they got there, the director quickly ran away covering her ears and screamed “Lalalala! can’t hear you! Lalala.”
check back for further updates….