Royals Give Female Pitcher Unconditional Release

Only hours after announcing the signing of a 57-year-old Ashland, Nebraska woman, the Kansas City Royals front office announced this afternoon that they were giving the red-headed relief pitcher her unconditional release.
“We had her in to pitch batting practice this morning,” said manager Ned Yost, “and it turns that she throws like a girl.”
Yost added that this was not necessarily a barrier to her making the team, saying, “Many of our pitchers throw like a girl. Jack Soria, in fact, throws like a little girl. A really little girl.”
But he explained that the new arrival “throws like an actual girl. Our catcher will give a sign, and she will act like she is not interested. So then he will give an extremely obvious sign, and she will complain that he ‘moving too fast.’ She wants to take things slow at first, and get to know him. When our pitching coach went out to ask what was wrong, she said, ‘You know what’s wrong.'”
Immediately after the woman’s release was announced, the University of Nebraska athletic department announced that they were hiring her as their new offensive line coach. “We would be estatic if even half of our lineman could block as well as a girl,” Head Coach Mike Riley said. “We are so bad that even I want to punch us right in the face.”