CNN News Alert: Major trade just announced

CNN News has learned of a major trade agreement between AMR Louisville and AMR Lexington. Here’s what CNN has learned so far. Paramedic Fred “I BLS everyrun down” Senn has been traded by AMR Louisville to AMR Lexington for 3 empty oxygen bottles, 2 broken stretchers, a wrecked ambulance and a job application filled out by a medic that won’t be as lazy as Fred. An unnamed Lexington supervisor stated “We already aware of, and have been warned by many of his former partners, of Mr. Senn’s laziness and we are not going to tolerate it.” An unnamed source said “Louisville is getting the better end of the deal. The oxygen bottles can be filled back up, the stretchers can be fixed, the ambulance can be sold for scrap, extra money is always nice, and we can always call in the applicant for an interview.” Another unnamed source stated “Fred’s current partner has not stopped partying since the end of there last shift together in Louisville.” AMR Louisville management wished Mr. Senn the best of luck in his future en devours and quickly pushed him out of the building, locking the doors behind him. This story will be updated as more information is provided.

Former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton stated “I am so happy for Fred, you know he voted for me and wears my campaign shirts under his uniforms every shift. I hope I can make it to Lexington soon so I can meet with him.”