The attempted theft of several flowers and a handful of plants has crippled the Metro City Police Department, causing an internal firestorm sure to hamper efforts to detect other crimes.
During the early hours of yesterday, a report of several individuals picking flowers and leaves from several plants around a downtown business was made to MCPD. The perpetrators, now labeled “the Banana Leaf Bandits”, were caught picking these flowers to “make arrangements”. As a result of this flower laden fiasco, the MCPD has been crippled from the various paperwork such a serious “attempted theft” has caused. The “purloining of petunias” has also caused a serious backlog of reports. Inquiries as the how and why any rational person would even want to pick flowers are now being made.
“I just can’t fathom such a heinous act”, one supervisor stated on the condition of anonymity due to the ongoing investigation. “Such a serious offense deserves the highest scrutiny and all the resources we have available at our disposal”.
“This incident has jammed up our internal paper trail. We’re sure to be buried for months up to our eyeballs all because somebody wanted to make flower arrangements at home”, another supervisor informed Channel 23. Several reports about the incident have been submitted and the PD is seeking witnesses to the shocking event without success. A local horticulture expert and professional gardener stated that the flowers and plants picked were “annuals” which were due to be removed anyway. She informed Channel 23 that the particular garden was stripped of several flowering plants, an Elephant Ear leaf, several purple colored plants nobody has ever heard of, and what was thought to be a potato vine “from another area”.
This shocking incident has stunned the PD, which unsuccessfully tried to locate a mugging victim several days ago. “We weren’t able to find the the victim or the mugger who took an area man’s valuables”, stated a representative of Metro City. “Muggings are crimes indeed, but this attempted plant theft shows just how dark the human soul can get”.
Despite a rising violent crime rate and alleged city hall corruption, the PD has vowed to work tirelessly until all “who dare thieve a thistle, lift a lettuce head, take a tomato, or purloin a pumpkin are brought to swift and exact justice”.
Stay with Channel 23 for more on this harrowing account.