Reince Priebus Found Strangled On White House Lawn

A body found on the White House lawn early Wednesday morning has been positively identified as Reinhold “Reince” Priebus. Secret Service named former White House Consigliere, Anthony “The Mooch” Scaramucci as a person of interest. When contacted by CNN Scaramucci reportedly said, “told you that guy was gonna get whacked,” but declined further comment. The investigation is still ongoing, and we will update as soon as more information becomes available.