Scientists Seemingly Cure Allergies

In a stunning find from the University of East Central Arkansas Community College Science Department, we may have finally reached a cure for pollen-related allergic reactions. After extensive research, the Science Department found what they believe is a simple and permanent cure.

“We were shocked at the findings. Shocked. We’ve tried this method so many times before and only recently found the correlation between this particular affliction and it’s simple cure,” said Dr. Cletus Cletuson. “We need only get government approval for dissemination of this information and allergies will go the way of small pox.”

What is the simple cure, you ask?

Lotion boobs.

Rub some lotion on those puppies and allergies-be-gone.

Any household lotion will do, although the application should not exceed the pressure of kneading bread dough. A determined “wax-on, wax-off” method will do the trick and certainly cure the ailments of the horny man applying the lotion to that sweet honey-pot Swede he’s looking to moisturize.

In a related story, the same scientists noticed that no bears have ever been found near any subjects experimenting with the process.

News at 11.