The inventor of the modern day beer funnel peacefully passes away

Vomitus Upchuck is being mourned today on college campuses all across the United States as news of his passing spread quickly. “He was a fine man…a loving man, a fall down drunk man, but a man with a vision. He devoted his life to reckless behavior, binge drinking, and was heavily involved in the Liver foundation of America”, said long time friend, Patrick Porcelaingodd. Mr. Upchuck was definitely a visionary. While the majority of college kids concentrated in their studies and limited their drinking to a two drink limit, Mr. Upchuck, with his popular beer funnel, helped increase the production of a great deal of breweries. Even awful beers like Blatz, Old Milwaukee, and Pabst Blue Ribbon began to turn profits with the invention of the beer funnel. Mr. Upchuck was once called the “Thomas Edison of beer” by renowned beer enthusiast, Suds Draught of the United Kingdom. Suds made history in Dublin Ireland with his “Pub crawl” Guinness book of world record. Fittingly, he drank a Guinness at his last stop: The Guinness brewery. Mr. Upchuck will be lowered into a Vat of beer this Saturday at 5pm sharp. Happy Hour.