You’ve seen the matchups of shark vs. bear or alligator vs. mongoose, but have you ever wondered who would be the victor in puppy vs. hippo? While hippos are reportedly responsible for over 3,000 human deaths a year, the killing power of the “innocent” puppy is under represented in the mainstream media.
Doctor Roger Fogle, statistical economics and data professer of Eldersmen University said, “The myth of the innocent puppy permeates across most cultures. The Muslin culture is a noted exception. From the elderly to infants, puppy-caused mortality rates have been increasing exponentially as people anthropomorphize canines.”
His colleague, Doctor Brenda Sizemens, added, “From trip and fall to chewing off digits to gouging eyes, puppies have left a trail of blood across the fruited plains. The least we can do is make the public aware of the data.”
When asked which animal would be victorious in battle, puppy or hippo, both professors replied, “The puppy. Data reveals it would disembowel the hippo in a matter of seconds…likely 3.2 seconds. It wouldn’t be pretty.”
No animals were hurt in the writing of this article.