New Coast Native Rides Out First Hurricane on Boat

“JJBW” a former Green Beret decided to be unconventional during Hurricane Nate. The new resident to the Mississippi Gulf Coast told Channel 23 News that he decided to send his family up north and ride out the storm alone in a sailboat. “Why not?” said JJBW, “It’s not like I haven’t been in storms before. Hell, I’ve been in a sandstorm or two in the desert.” When the storm hit it was a bit more than he bargained for. Hurricane Nate was a category one and hit Gulfport mid-stride. JJBW said he was fine for the first ten hours, then the eye came and that’s when he made his first mistake. “I got out and thought it was over, then all of a sudden, I’m pulled out into the gulf. The winds whipped up and tossed me and the boat way out into the gulf.” JJBW later said his boat overturned and he clung to the keel. “I had a solar panel that makes fresh water and can power my cell phone at the same time. I also had purchased a satcom chip to make communications with friends.” JJBW could only text with the phone and he admitted he should have read the fine print that came with the chip. “My so called friends didn’t do a damn thing when I texted them. I guess they were too involved with the NFL protest.” At one point during his ordeal he was lying down sunbathing when a Carnival Cruise ship came by.” I guess they thought I was mooning them, because I heard a bunch of people yelling at me in thick Alabama accents. Next thing I notice the water starts plopping all around me. They were tossing beer bottles. I think they thought they were playing cornhole on the high seas.” As the ship passed on and JJBW swam out and recovered the beer that had not been opened. “I was drinking Bud Lights, and pissed. Damn doesn’t anyone from Alabama drink Sammy’s or even Heinies?” Several more mundane days passed and JJBW caught land on the Yucatan Penninsula. “I’m stuck here for a while as it’s in the middle of nowhere. All they have is Corona and Dos Equis, and I hate Corona” said JJBW. As of press time JJBW stated that the Dos Equis supply is running low and he might have to rough it and switch to Corona. When asked what he would have done differently he replied, “Get a bigger boat. Jaws taught me that.” In the meantime his last words to channel 23 was “Stay thirsty my friends.”