An anonymous White House source has confirmed that the Trump administration has been contacting the organizations that have submitted plans and bids to build a wall between Mexico and the U.S. border and requesting they also conceptialize floating walls to wrap around Florida.
Following this week’s development that twenty-one Americans in Cuba have been sickened under mysterious circumstances, causing the U.S. to seriously question it’s policy of warming relations with the island nation, which President Trump is not a fan, internal discussion has included the idea that a floating wall be positioned around the Florida coast. The President told staffers that, “You know, it would be tremendous if we could build a wall around Florida, keep the Cubans out.” Mr. Trump continued, ” I hear they are taking an enormous amount of the jobs in south Florida, and the hotels and cars down there are not being repaired properly, it’s all jury rigged.” Apparently the president was alluding to the fact that Cubans, because of imposed sanctions, still drive 1950’s era automobiles with cannibalized parts- including from old farming equipment, washing machines, and even old bicycles. There are reports that recent emigres to south Florida have brought this engrained habit into their work methodology to reuse almost anything because in Cuba it is not only necessary, but a crime to discard items which can be re-purposed.
The source also indicated that Mr. Trump believes the Florida wall could serve as a buffer during hurricanes. “Remember how they wanted a wind farm off the coast in Ireland near my golf club? Let’s put up a wall farm. It’ll keep out the Haitians too, more jobs for our Florida friends.”
The entire coast line of the Florida peninsula is only 872 miles, compared to the 2,756 miles between Mexico and the U.S., which implies an option for the president to claim a victory while getting a wall, any wall, at a fraction of the price. “The people of Mexico will be off the hook for now”, Mr. Trump said, “and they’ll love me for it.”
With only 10 million Cubans compared to 300 million Mexicans, and no real economy to speak of, it is unlikely Mr. Trump would even consider asking the Cuban government to pay for the floating wall, as he did with Mexico- an oil rich nation. However, behind closed doors, he indicated that possibly the Cubans could auction many of their 1950’s automobiles on the internet and send the proceeds to the U.S. “Just think how the Paris accord lovers would hail me as a savior, getting all those old polluting cars off the road. Super, tremendous.” he concluded.