Woman Arrested For Being “Too Thick”

The girl pictured above is 15 year old Morgan Alexa Boudreaux. She was arrested Wednesday evening for being 2 millimeters over the legal thickness limit. Boudreaux’s boyfriend (Christian “CP” Martinez) said he had no proir knowledge of her overthickness before the crime was committed. When asked about his girlfriend Martinez said, “I know my babygirl thick as fuck, and none of you pigs better be staring.” Authorities say Martinez is definitely a person of interest at this point. Boudreaux was arrested on two counts of being too thick. One count per cheek. Boudreaux’s bond was set at $200,000 ($100,000 per cheek) and will be serving 20 years in a federal prison.