Entire African-American population to be permanently relocated to Africa

President Donald J. Trump has issued an executive order today that calls for the immediate seizure and relocation of all African-Americans to various locations in Africa. According to the new Negro Dispersion Act, the entire African-American population, now referred to as “Assimilating Negroes”, will be seized from their homes beginning December 1, 2017 and transported by ship to Tema Harbour in Ghana, where the Ghanaian government will disperse them evenly across the continent. At a press conference following the announcement of the order, President Trump said, “Believe me, folks, I know that this dispersion is going to benefit the real Americans of this country. Yes, I’m talking about the ones that you can see at night.” After CNN commentator Van Jones harshly criticized the decision, Trump responded with “Look, nobody is better at ethnically cleansing an entire country than me, folks. And you better believe it. You better believe it. It will be huge. And you’re gonna be the first one to get on that ship, shithead.” Jones was then dragged out of the Brady Press Briefing Room by two bald white guards as others cheered.