AP – It has been reported that anti-America documentary filmmaker Michael Moore was killed yesterday in a parachuting accident somewhere over the Pacific Northwest!
Friends close to Mr. Moore say he had wanted to sky dive ever since he was a child, but his obesity had prevented it, as no parachute manufacturer made a parachute that was large enough to accommodate the obscene tonnage of Mr. Moore.
Finally, after decades of failed dieting, Mr. Moore said, “To hell with it! I’m jumping!” He then rented the largest tent available from Lafayette Tent and Awning Company, strapped it to his back, and took off in a completely gutted Boeing 747 ‘Jumbo Jet’.
After a very long and slow climb in the overweight ‘Jumbo Jet’, Mr. Moore was given the green light to jump from 22,500 feet.
Mr. Moore attempted to deploy his ‘parachute’ at approximately 10,000 feet, but his excessive weight caused his makeshift ‘parachute’ to disintegrate immediately upon the attempted deployment.
It is reported that Mr. Moore impacted the earth at a velocity in excess of 500 miles per hour, thus creating a new lake.
In memory of Mr. Moore, the newly created lake was named ‘Lake Obtuse’.